Thursday, 29 September 2016

Grief

So this is last night's sunset. It's not every night you get to see the sun and moon together in the same view, but if you look carefully, there it is. Cosmic union. I wept a bit for my dad watching this. Grief is like that, it bubbles up in phases and it will catch you when you leave yourself open and exposed to glory. When you are closer to the elements and your soul is awake, you are closer to your God (and in my case, my daddy). We were here when I got that first awful phone call when my dad had the emergency that would cause his passing shortly after. I immediately began the worst of my grieving process. When we came back about a month after, my first thought when I looked into the sky was "I can't believe he isn't a part of this anymore."

Now on my healing journey, some words of wisdom stick with me, and bring me a sense of peace. They are that: "the soul never dies" and that he now exists as "pure love" and is "everywhere, all the time." My brother-in-law recited a passage that my dad wrote about the sunset at his internment and the last thing he said to my niece Alaya the night before he passed was "papa use to love that too" when she asked to go outside and see the full moon. So I really can't help but think of him every single time I look up.

As I typed this now a massive bird (probably hawk or vulture family) swooped and circled. My sister received an eagle sign as she mourned beneath a tree and prayed, and eagles flew overhead at Brant Park when we celebrated his life. In Native traditions, the eagle represents the great spirit and now I am always looking for signs that dad is still with me. Indeed, the signs are all around. Love you forever dad, and I know you are always with me.




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